Now I am trying not to die in all ways–
\nleast of all the body, although that too will die as the evening of my life winds down
\ninto something like a crumbling epistle;
\nbut to let my ambition die, as well as lethargy–for lethargy left to its devices spawns
\nambition out of pure desperation to remain relevant and sane.
\nOf course, this is all a circle, a chasing of ones own tail, an evolutionary callas that roughens
\nwith hunger and rot.<\/p>\n
I browse amidst books to feel less lonely; I finger the page and feel the almost roughness
\nof the more expensive books, roughed and leveled for the serious reader, which I feel
\nI am not. \u00a0Where are my notes in the margins, why does my hand and head not slowly cut through
\nthe dust of stabbing sunlight in my office–because I read to end, not to endure.<\/p>\n
Death it seems is nothing more than silence, an immense orgasmic release into nothing,
\nfeeling the emptiness of head and heart just before expiring and being washed over by
\nthe salt water of nothing, trailing up to your lips as you take your last breath, leaving a crust of
\ntexture on the softest part of us to be kissed away by the relief of no expectation.
\nI am tired of its edicts and of its being the source of my actions–I must tackle it and hold it
\nand treat it as I want to treat fear: with indifference and a dimpled chuckle.<\/p>\n
Mistaken or not, I endure and I proceed forward. \u00a0I wait for a bit more clarity, even sometimes seeking
\nit out and taking long and lonely journeys in the sprinkling rain of my own nostalgia, paying the
\nprice of admission, heading through the turnstiles, taking a deep breath of the great showmanship
\nof arrogance and uncertainty; after, I push my hands down deep in my pockets and navigate
\nagainst the lint and walk along the shining river of my hopes and aspirations and take
\nwith me this idea of death as a ruby to be tossed skipping across the moonlight soul\u00a0water that empties into a future I cannot predict.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Now I am trying not to die in all ways– least of all the body, although that too will die as the evening of my life winds down into something like a crumbling epistle; but to let my ambition die, … Continue reading